Offerings

Part 8

What? An attack? Never heard anything! More bandits? Or...

Flipping the hilt of Gourry's sword into his hand, Zelgadis spun, dropping into a defensive crouch and bringing the blade around into a guard position. He expected to see some horrific, slathering beast or mazoku bearing down on them, yet...

His heart slowing as the flow of adrenaline through his veins ebbed, Zelgadis straightened. There was no menace. He could see nothing more threatening than the sunshine-dappled moss of the forest floor and the breeze-flicked leaves of the trees which lined the far side of the clearing. He could hear nothing more distressing than lilting birdsong and the faint drone of bumblebees. What had frightened Gourry so badly? Was it something he had done?

Yes.

Gourry had been fine until Zelgadis had drawn the Hikari no Ken from beneath his cloak.

Zelgadis' eyes dropped to the hilt in his hand, his lips turning downwards in a puzzled frown. He could not understand why Gourry would be afraid of the Hikari no Ken? The swordsman cherished that blade!

Slowly, Zelgadis turned back to face his companion, allowing the Hikari no Ken to swing down and back until the blade's tip pointed behind him. Wide bands of apprehension snapped around his middle and tightened as he took in Gourry's stance. Just as he had when Zelgadis had first come upon him in the glade, the swordsman was staring at him with wide, panic-stricken eyes, tremors running from his shoulders to his feet.

No, not staring at him... staring at the sword he held.

"Gourry?" Zelgadis whispered, utterly at a loss. "What's wrong?" He swayed, wanting to go to the swordsman, but stopped himself, afraid once again that if he so much as moved the other man would bolt. "Is it your sword? I brought it with me because I did not think you would wish to remain unarmed." His voice trailed off as his words seemed to break whatever spell had been cast on Gourry, but instead of fleeing, the swordsman folded to the ground like a puppet whose strings had been severed, drawing his legs up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them.

"Please, Zel, I can't touch that thing. Never again. Get it away. Please, make it go away."

"All right, I will," Zelgadis softly reassured. Blinking away the sudden moisture that hoarse, pleading voice had brought stinging to his eyes, he backed away a few paces, then dropped to one knee. Shaking his head, he lay the Hikari no Ken on the ground, then rose. He started back to Gourry, but paused, reconsidered, and then worked the buckle of his sword belt open. Perhaps, until he learned more, it would be wise to go unarmed as well. As unlikely as it was, for all he knew it was not specifically the Hikari no Ken which was disturbing his friend so deeply, but swords in general.

Dropping into a crouch, Zelgadis lay his blade alongside Gourry's, but instead of rising again, he remained as he was, wavering. Given the number of times in the recent past that bandits and similar trouble had struck, was he making the right decision? He and Gourry should be safe enough. Even if they were attacked, he should be able to fire off a spell quickly enough to allow him to reach his blade if he chose to fight with it rather than magic, but...

Shaking himself out of his reverie, Zelgadis pushed himself back to his feet and closed his eyes. He might be accused of being too cautious, but in this case, a little extra help could not hurt. Extending his arms in front of himself, thumbs and index fingers forming a diamond, Zelgadis inhaled deeply and cleared his thoughts.

"Capricious wind," Zelgadis softly intoned, his first words releasing the magic within him, allowing it to flow. "Zephyrs which roam the length and breadth of the land." He could feel the breeze he had summoned swirling first around his hands, but soon expanding to surround him, tugging at the edges of his cloak and running playful fingers through his wire-stiff hair. "Become one with my spirit, be bound to my will, be eyes, be ears, bring warning." The swirling somehow became less playful and more stately and purposeful, as if the wind held its breath awaiting his final command. "Eyes' Flight," Zelgadis quietly finished, snapping his arms straight out to either side and releasing his zephyr.

As he sensed his creation leave him and begin to make its way around the glade in ever widening circles, Zelgadis sagged a little. Imbued with a portion of his own spirit and given a purpose, the breeze he had harnessed had been made sentient enough to carry out its simple task. Ever watchful, it would roam the small territory he had envisioned for a day or until dispelled and warn him by gusting at him if any living being larger than a medium sized dog entered it. Then, through his connection with it, he would be able to 'see' what it had chanced upon and determine whether or not it was a threat. The spell was one of his own making, though he seldom cast it. Binding something as fickle as the wind to his will was draining, but in this case, it was worth it. Using it would allow him to focus all his attention back on Gourry.

Satisfied, Zelgadis turned back to the swordsman, flicking open his cloak's brooch and loosening its ties as he approached. Shrugging out of it, he knelt at Gourry's side and draped the heavy garment across the swordsman's bare shoulders, then, hand hovering above the other man's back, he sat back on his heels.

All right. So, he was now free to give Gourry his undivided attention, but... what good was that if he did not know what to do with the swordsman?

Gourry, himself, answered that question, showing Zelgadis just what he needed. With a small cry, the swordsman turned, wrapped his arms about his waist, and buried his face in his chest.

"Shhh, it's all right, Gourry, it's okay," Zelgadis murmured, closing his arms and his eyes and allowing Rodimus to be his guide. Softly and steadily, he repeated his reassurances again and again, all the while rocking Gourry as gently as his father in all but blood had once rocked him, until the swordsman's trembling finally eased and he lay quiescent.

When, after a long moment of silence, Gourry still showed no signs of moving, Zelgadis gently pushed a little on his friend's shoulders, but immediately ceased when the other man only made a tiny, muffled sound and clung more tightly.

With a wistful little sigh, Zelgadis slid his hands to Gourry's back again and carefully lowered his head until his cheek brushed the gold of the swordsman's hair. If the other man wanted to be held a while longer, how could he not oblige? It felt so good to hold him, as good as it had felt to be held by him. He just wished it could have been something other than distress which had sent Gourry into his arms. Without really thinking about it, he slid one hand between the other man's hair and the nape of his neck and pulled, freeing the glorious fall from the cloth which imprisoned it.

"I'm s-, sorry, Zel."

"Don't be. It's all right," Zelgadis softly comforted, his eyes slipping shut again as he felt some of the tension abruptly flow out of the body beneath his hands. "I told you," he continued, his fingers seeking the silken fineness of Gourry's hair and burying themselves in that golden wealth, "Always I shall be here for you. Always I shall offer you whatever you need."

"P-, promise?"

"I promise," Zelgadis murmured, trying his best to memorize the feel of his friend, for, though it was disgraceful of him given the circumstances, it would provide ample fodder for yet another fantasy.

It was with a kind of deep regret that Zelgadis opened his arms when Gourry eventually, inevitably, pushed against them. Holding his tongue, he watched the swordsman half turn away from him, drawing his feet in until he was sitting cross-legged. He remained watchful as the other man gathered the cloak more closely about his body, but when Gourry's forehead bowed to meet his long-fingered hand, Zelgadis broke his silence. "Gourry-,"

"I really don't want to talk about it, Zel."

"Perhaps not, but do you not think you should?" Zelgadis quietly asked.

"No!"

Zelgadis took a moment to collect his thoughts as both Gourry's hands formed fists and pounded his knees. There was no doubt in his mind that this had something to do with Fibrizzo. However, in this case he did not seem to be dealing with something that Hellmaster had specifically done to Gourry. Had the mazoku lord done something to the Hikari no Ken which had tainted it in the swordsman's eyes?

"Gourry," Zelgadis tried again.

"I said, no! If we have to talk about something, why can't we go back to talking about you? While I was worrying about you, I could forget that thing!"

Zelgadis quickly leaned back, narrowly avoiding being whacked upside the head by the hand the swordsman flung out towards the Hikari no Ken.

"I didn't want to remember it, Zel."

"But, why? Why do you no longer wish to wield it?" Zelgadis murmured, almost reaching out to touch Gourry's nearest shoulder, but stopping himself in time. Resolutely, he laced his fingers together in his lap to better control any errant wandering on their part, for he had already squeezed a lifetime's worth of groping the swordsman into this single afternoon and should be satisfied with that. "The Hikari no Ken is your sword and no one else's."

"So, anyway, what did Rodimus and Zolf do when-,"

"No, Gourry," Zelgadis interrupted, not allowing the swordsman to change the subject. "You cannot refuse that blade. You have to take it back."

"I don't want it back. Give it to Lina, that'll make her happy."

"No! I don't think-,"

"Why? 'Cause without it you think I'm gonna be useless?"

"No!" Zelgadis exclaimed, shocked by the swordsman's question, for nothing of the sort had ever occurred to him. With the Hikari no Ken or without it, there was no one he would rather have at his back in a fight than Gourry. He opened his mouth to tell the swordsman just that, but Gourry was already speaking again.

"Well, you're right! I am useless without it. But, I can't use it and if I can't use it, then what do you need me around for? And, if you don't need me around, then I'll be alone again and I don't want to be alone again, Zel!"

"Gourry," Zelgadis softly began, steadily meeting the single fever bright eye which turned on him when the swordsman finally lifted his head, "You don't have to be alone. I-, none of us would forsake you regardless of whether or not you ever lifted the Hikari no Ken in battle again. But, that sword is a part of you; you cannot simply cast it aside."

"Watch me!"

"Gourry!"

"Don't you understand? It's too much a part of me. If I use it again, it'll be like a drunk taking his first drink of wine after not having any for a long time. It's going to overpower me and I'm going to end up hurting one of you!"

"I-," Zelgadis stopped, swallowing hard, his head whirling as he tried to follow the convoluted path of the swordsman's logic. Finally, when Gourry dropped his gaze and seemed to shrink even smaller, he slowly said, "No, I don't understand, but I want to. Please, Gourry, back up for a moment. Why are you so afraid that you'll hurt one of us if you use your sword again? What did Fibrizzo do to you to make you think that?"

"He-, I don't know, Zel."

Responding with no thought to that lost, little wail, Zelgadis leaned forward and drew one of Gourry's fisted hands in between both of his before it could strike the swordsman's knee again. Soothingly, he rubbed the leather covered back of it until it relaxed and flattened.

"He-, he was there. In my head. Always there. And he-, it's like he-, I don't know! He twisted-,"

"Shh, it's all right," Zelgadis murmured, continuing to stroke the back of Gourry's hand as the swordsman's fingers clenched around his own.

"But, after, I could feel that sword like I never could before."

Feel it? Frowning, Zelgadis silently considered Gourry's subdued assertion. Did Gourry sense the Hikari no Ken's power much as he could? Did the swordsman channel its energy much as he did his own magical energy when he cast spells? If he did, then things were beginning to make sense.

"Even now that Hellmaster's gone, I can still feel him, there, whenever I touch that blade.

Mind quickly churning over possibilities, Zelgadis remained silent and let Gourry continue to talk. While fighting Gourry, he, Lina, and Amelia had all noticed a difference. Amelia had thought that the Hikari no Ken had grown more powerful, but that was not so. The difference was that Gourry had been channeling the Hikari no Ken's full power perfectly, where prior to his captivity he had not been capable of that. Thus, he was able to use the blade in ways he never had before.

"I put the metal blade back on it, so I couldn't just use the thing. Hoped it would help, but it didn't. I can still feel the thing. It's like it's calling to me."

Yes, it would seem that way, Zelgadis supposed, a grim little smile coming to his lips as he formulated his theory. Every person was born with a set limit to the amount of magical power that he or she could channel. That magical capacity could be amplified, via talismans such as those Lina had wrangled from Xellos or something like the Philosopher's Stone, but except in extremely rare cases, it could not be increased.

What if Fibrizzo, one of the most powerful beings in their world, had done something in Gourry's mind that had increased his magical capacity or whatever its equivalent was that he used to direct and control the Hikari no Ken's power?

Zelgadis nodded to himself. It was feasible. He had a precedent in himself. He had asked to become powerful and Rezo, Shabranigdo's host and thus a match in strength for any of the Dark Lord's five generals, had obliged. Zelgadis had no idea how his genetic restructuring had been accomplished, but the Red Priest's tampering had increased the amount of magical energy he was able to manipulate from the trickle it had been in his youth to a torrent.

"Gourry," Zelgadis murmured, longing to reach out with his free hand and sweep aside the curtain of gold hiding the swordsman's face, "I think I know what Fibrizzo did. I don't understand how he did it, but I think he increased your capacity for directing the Hikari no Ken's power."

"Damn it, Zel!"

Zelgadis was jerked forward as Gourry wrenched his hand away, then flowed to his feet and began to pace.

"I don't care what Hellmaster did or how he did it. I just want it undone! I want my sword to go back to the way it used to!"

"I-, I don't think that's possible, Gourry," Zelgadis said quietly, eyes tracking the agitated swordsman. "The increased power flow is frightening and maybe hard to handle, I know, but I think that once you get used to it, it won't disturb you anymore."

"You still don't get it, do you?"

"Eh?" Zelgadis shook his head, his thoughts losing direction as Gourry once more sent his mind spinning into upheaval. Had his reasoning been unsound? It had to have been, for the other man's reaction made it perfectly clear that he still hadn't a clue as to what was going on in Gourry's mind.

As Zelgadis watched, the swordsman stopped, his back to him, and remained motionless save for the clenching and unclenching of his fists. "Gourry," he began, becoming increasingly desperate to understand, but broke off as the other man began to speak so lowly that were he human he did not think he would have been able to hear.

"I am used to it, Zel, and that's what scares me. Hellmaster made it so easy for me, too easy. When I use it I feel like I'm high. God, it feels so good, better than anything I've ever felt. Anything! It's so strong and when I feel it, I don't want it to end."

Zelgadis felt his eyes widen. Again, their experiences were similar, yet not quite the same. After he had been changed, he had been terrified by the power he had been expected to learn to wield, so much so that using it had made him feel physically ill. Even now, long after he had mastered his abilities, he still preferred to fight with his sword whenever possible. He had not even considered that Gourry would like the way the increase made him feel.

"Even when I was fighting you guys. One part hated it and didn't want to do it, but another part... Zel, he-, he let me use the sword and I didn't want to stop! God, how I hate myself for that!"

Zelgadis gathered the cloak Gourry had discarded on rising into his hands, his fingers clenching around the fabric as the loathing in the swordsman's voice knifed through him.

"If I use the sword again, I'm not going to be able to put it down."

Zelgadis nodded at the motionless swordsman's back. Now, he understood Gourry's earlier reference to a former drunk being given wine. Like that drunk, the other man feared becoming addicted to the feel of the power flowing through him, or feared that he already was.

"I only did before 'cause Hellmaster was the one in control and he made me stop and the only reason I didn't fight him to keep using it was 'cause I was too afraid of him punishing me. But, I wanted to. God, how I wanted to!"

"Gourry," Zelgadis began, trying to gather his thoughts as he climbed to his feet. What could he say to alleviate the swordsman's fear? It may have felt as though the power flowing through him had intoxicated him, but Gourry was no addict. The strength of his will was what allowed him to wield the Hikari no Ken in the first place and it would never permit the sword to consume him.

Draping his cloak over his arm, Zelgadis extended his free hand towards Gourry, willing the swordsman to turn and face him, but when the bright head remained bowed and the slender body remained stiff, his fist closed and his arm dropped back to his side. Quietly, his voice the only tool he had to project his absolute belief in his friend, he reassured, "Gourry, you needn't fear the sword. You are strong, more than strong enough to control-,"

"Damn it, Zel, I'm not!"

Though he tensed, Zelgadis did not recoil as Gourry suddenly spun to face him. Alarmed by the wildness in the swordsman's eyes, he desperately tried to think of something to say that would calm him, but before he could open his mouth, the other man was speaking again.

"If I use that thing, I'm going to end up hurting one of you. Maybe all of you. Maybe even killing one of you! I can't let that happen. Don't you see? Please, just keep it away from me!"

Zelgadis took a step forward as Gourry turned his back on him again, but stopped, the swordsman's disgusted, dejected whisper freezing him down to his soul.

"I'm dangerous. You can't trust me with it. I can't ask that of you, not when I can't trust myself."

"Oh, Gourry, never a danger," Zelgadis barely breathed, entirely focused on the distressed swordsman, his heart's voice unknowingly making itself heard. "He has blinded you to the brilliance of your own spirit. Would that I could offer you all of myself to prove to you how worthy you are of my faith and devotion." But, he could not. It was out of the question and probably would not help anyway.

Head bowed, at wit's end, Zelgadis sensed more than saw Gourry whirl to face him. He stiffened, dread tangling his nerves, as the swordsman rapidly crossed the clearing and took hold of his upper arms in a grip as rough and vise-like as the one that had brought him out of his flashback.

"What did you say?"

§ tbc §

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