Offerings

Part 6

"It's nothing, Zel."

"It's not-,"

"I was just going to say maybe we can comfort each other."

"I think that's a wonderful idea, Gourry," Zelgadis agreed, sarcasm surfacing to combat the swordsman's attempt to change the subject. He took a step back and pointed a finger at the wound in Gourry's side which the other man had defensively raised an arm to cover. "And," he went on, his concern flattening his tone into utter seriousness, "It's my turn now. You need your side healed."

"I don't. It's not that bad, Zel. I can take care of it myself."

"I know that, but," Zelgadis began, then abruptly broke off, hesitating as his common sense screamed a warning at him. He knew his desire was selfish, and that he should not seek to satisfy it, but that embrace had stirred up more feelings in him than just comfort and security. It had aroused him and breathed life into one of the most simple, yet one of the most cherished of his fantasies: to be held, to be touched by one who was gentle instead of cruel, to be permitted to touch in return. And, what he wanted more than anything at that moment was to be allowed to touch Gourry again. Finally, after dropping his eyes back to the swordsman's wounded side, a much safer place than his face since he feared his own would reveal far too much, Zelgadis managed to finish, "I just want to heal it for you. Will you let me?"

"I-, I guess so... but, on one condition."

"And, that is?" Zelgadis asked, guardedly peeking up at Gourry through his bangs.

"I-, I want to-, Oh, hell, Zel, it doesn't seem like I know much of anything about you. I want to know more, about what happened with Rezo and-, and stuff, I guess."

Cautiously, Zelgadis tested his defenses as he considered Gourry's request. Much to his surprise, he found that his chest and stomach did not do more than slightly twinge at the thought of the Red Priest. He felt remarkably stable and in control, considering the turmoil of the previous hour or so.

"I-, damn it, you don't have to tell me anything, Zel. I'm sorry. You can just heal-,"

"It's all right, Gourry," Zelgadis quickly reassured, realizing he had remained silent for too long. "You can ask me anything you want."

"You mean it?"

"Yes," Zelgadis replied without reservation, a little amazed to find that he actually did. He knew speaking about his relationship with his grandfather would not be easy, but Gourry already knew the worst of it and the swordsman had remained steadfast. He also knew it would quicken the other man's recovery from the trauma Fibrizzo had inflicted on him, no matter that Gourry claimed 'he had nothing to complain about'.

"Then, how-,"

"Wait, Gourry," Zelgadis interrupted, "I cannot heal you if I cannot get at the wound. You can undress while you talk."

"Oh, all right."

Oh... All right!

Zelgadis ignored the tiny voice within which berated him for being a self-centered, self-indulgent fool as Gourry stepped back and began to unbuckle his armor. After a few deft hand movements, the heavy metal was placed on the ground to one side, revealing the broad shoulders and slender hips it protected.

Breaking his silence about his past was a small price to pay to be able to touch that body again!

Palms itching, Zelgadis squashed the urge to rush Gourry as the swordsman gingerly worked his shirt up over his head and then opened the fasteners of his trousers so that the pants could settle loosely around his hips rather than his waist.

"Um, Zel?"

"Huh?" Zelgadis answered faintly, then started, his eyes snapping back up to Gourry's face as he realized he had been staring, mesmerized, at the perfection of the swordsman's chest and abdomen.

"Can I ask you now?"

"Uh, yeah," Zelgadis hastily agreed, thankful that the blush heating his insides did not show up very well on his stony outsides. He just hoped that his body would not betray him in a more obvious way. "I-, I'll just have a look at that wound."

"Well, then, um, well-,"

"It's all right, Gourry, just ask."

"HowoldwereyouwhenRezotookcontrolofyou?"

"Fourteen," Zelgadis easily replied, lips quirking with something that approached enchantment when the tumbling string of words resulted in an all too visible flush across the swordsman's face and torso. This might just be easier than he had thought if Gourry continued to distract him in such a fashion. How could any image from his past hope to overwhelm him with such beauty staring him in the face? "I was fourteen when Rezo changed me."

"Geez, Zel, that's the same age as Amelia when we first met her."

"Yes," Zelgadis finally agreed when Gourry's voice, which had paled along with his face, did not immediately resume.

"Bu-, but you were just a kid!"

Zelgadis only shrugged. There was really nothing he could say to that knowing Gourry's predilection to consider anyone more than a few years younger than himself a child. It was not worth the effort to contest the fact that Lina had already been establishing her reputation as a bandit killer and wreaking havoc wherever she went by the age of fourteen. He could argue that fourteen was considered a marriageable age in many parts of their world, but Gourry would probably not pay any attention. And, he just did not have the energy to even point out that though he had not really considered himself a child at the time, what little remnants of childhood he had still possessed had been stripped from him the moment he had fallen to the Red Priest.

"So, he had you for better than four years."

"Yes," Zelgadis confirmed, eyes dropping to thoughtfully examine the left sleeve of his tunic.

"After so long a time, how-, I mean, I had you and Lina and Amelia to help me, but you had no one. How did you ever manage to break his hold over you by yourself?"

"But," Zelgadis paused for a moment to collect himself, a sharp twang of grief stabbing through his middle. "But, I was not alone. I could not have escaped Rezo without the help of Rodimus and Zolf." Sadly, he shook his head. Lord, how he missed them. In spite of being fortunate enough to find Gourry and the girls, he would always miss those two, for they had been something to him that no one else could ever be.

"Were they there at the beginning?"

"Yes, at the very beginning, long before Rezo became," Zelgadis paused again, searching for the words to explain the slow change which had overtaken the Red Priest. "Long before my grandfather became not my grandfather," he finally finished, remembering what Gourry had said earlier.

"Then-,"

"Rodimus was my father's closest friend. He and father had been long time shield-mates and when my father finally settled down, he did as well, becoming the household's Weaponsmaster," Zelgadis explained as he slipped his fingers into the tear in his left sleeve. "He became my guardian after my parents died when I was still small. He was actually more of a father to me than my blood father, since he had the raising of me for a much longer time.

"Zolf," Zelgadis continued, gently pulling downwards until his sleeve ripped all the way through, resulting in a good-sized rag. "Zolf was Rodimus' nephew. I guess he was too much for his parents to handle, so they fostered him out to Rodimus in the hopes that he could make him toe the line. He was like a big brother to me." Briefly, he closed his eyes, far distant memories, good memories for a change, tempting him to stray from Gourry and the present. "I suppose since he was fated to have no children of his own, the gods decreed Rodimus should have us instead."

"Wow... I had no idea."

Zelgadis smiled a little at Gourry's wide-eyed expression and hushed voice. He could not fault the swordsman for his apparent awe. Given the closemouthed distance he had purposefully established between himself and his friends, given his hard and merciless reputation, and given the history Gourry had just learned, he knew the other man was probably finding it difficult to believe him capable of having a childhood and a family.

"So, they ended up helping you against Rezo?"

"Yes," Zelgadis acknowledged, reaching behind himself to free the water bottle hanging from his sword belt. "They never abandoned me. They continued to take care of me after the change. No matter what I d-, did to either of them or anyone else, they remained faithful to me."

"He used you against those that you cared most about."

"Exactly," Zelgadis murmured, his voice as hushed as Gourry's had been echoing his previous words. "Without them I would never have regained my sanity, let alone been able to free myself."

"What does Rezo's control have to do with your sanity?"

"Stand still," Zelgadis requested instead of answering as he stepped up to Gourry's side.

"Zel?"

Zelgadis breathed out a resigned sigh. This was not so easy even with the distraction of Gourry's half-naked body, but he had agreed to answer anything.

"Think of how you felt about yourself and all that you had been forced to do during your captivity, Gourry," Zelgadis quietly suggested as he bent slightly to examine the swordsman's wound. He was pleased to discover that the other man's assessment of his injury was accurate. The slash curved around Gourry's waist like a lover's arm, just above the left hipbone, but while it was long, it was shallow and had already stopped bleeding.

But, just to make certain...

"Turn into the light so I can see better, please," Zelgadis asked, then as Gourry obliged, he continued, "Now, multiply those days Fibrizzo held you by months and then years." He dared to place a hand on Gourry's uninjured side to encourage the swordsman to keep moving when he suddenly stopped and stiffened.

"God, Zel..."

"I-," Zelgadis glanced up, but quickly averted his face again, shuddering under the impact of the compassion in Gourry's eyes. His free hand clenching into a fist, he tried to continue his explanation, "The atrocities I co-, committed-, what he did and the things I did-,"

sh'ting

The Red Priest's faint clamor was almost immediately silenced by the hand which gently fell on Zelgadis' shoulder and squeezed.

"Don't, Zel. You don't have to say anything. I know."

And, he did. It was as simple as that.

Gratefully, Zelgadis nodded his thanks for Gourry's understanding, then fumbled the top of his water bottle off. As he wet his rag, he was able to go on more smoothly, "What little sense of self Rezo had left me was not sane. It retreated deep inside, as far away as it could get from what was happening on the outside."

"And, Rodimus and Zolf brought you back?"

Zelgadis nodded confirmation, then warned, "Hold still, this might sting a bit." As gently as he was able, he dabbed at the dark crust which stained the pale skin around Gourry's injury.

"But, how?"

"It was difficult for them, for I was little more than an automaton, truly Rezo's puppet, filled only with his thoughts and purpose. I was seldom lucid, but they were patient. Whenever I surfaced, they tried to get me to stay. Whenever it was safe, they both tried to reach me, lucid or not. Rodimus through words and touch, and Zolf, well, he was a far more powerful practitioner of the arts than Lina ever gave him credit for."

"Not surprising. He might've been a good sorcerer, but he was still a whole lot weaker than she is, and anyone that much weaker than her, she kind of, well, disregards."

"Why, Gourry, what a diplomatic way of saying that. I could not have done better myself," Zelgadis replied, smiling a little as his sarcasm pulled a tiny, careful chuckle from the other man.

"But, anyway, what happened?"

"It took a long while," Zelgadis answered, leaning back a bit and studying Gourry's side critically. Just a little more, he decided, then re-wet his rag. "But, eventually, they made me believe that if I were to stay, it would be possible for all of us together to break his control and then fight him."

"I'm glad that they did."

"I was not."

"Huh?"

"Returning," Zelgadis murmured, eyes turning inward as his rag slowed to a stop, "Meant that I could no longer hide. It meant confronting all that I had done and acknowledging that I would continue to do such things, for all of us realized that to free me would take time. And," He paused, swallowing uneasily. "Resisting Rezo, no matter how stealthily it was done, meant risking the punishment I was so terrified of."

"So, what did you do?"

"The first thing we had to do was break my conditioning."

"Uh, I'm not sure-,"

"After well over three years, my responses to Rezo were automatic, so deeply ingrained that they required no conscious thought. It was-, I-," Zelgadis abruptly fell silent, his head bowing as he drew in a slow, steadying breath.

"Zel, you really don't have to do this."

"No, I'm all right," Zelgadis replied with a small shake of his head, though he was even more grateful this time for the hand which the swordsman dropped to his shoulder than he had been before.

"Maybe, but why don't you just skip the details. You get too technical on me, you'll just end up losing me."

"I would no-," Startled into glancing up, Zelgadis' protest broke off as Gourry very deliberately winked at him.

"But, I'd still like to know how you managed to do anything against Rezo at all without him noticing. I mean, he was so powerful!"

"That's probably one reason he did not notice," Zelgadis replied, his lips curving ever so slightly as he took the out the swordsman had been so gracious to offer and resumed his ministrations. "He had grown complacent."

"I don't-,"

"He was overconfident," Zelgadis quickly elaborated, glancing up to see the swordsman's eyebrows drawing together. "He believed that his control over me was absolute and unshakable."

"That's 'cause you hadn't given him any reason to think any different for so long, huh?"

"Yes, but be that as it may," Zelgadis continued, "Rezo was also increasingly desperate to find the Philosopher's Stone and coordinating the many diverse searches distracted him enough that he gave me a longer leash than he should have. And, finally, Zolf and Rodimus-,"

"I bet they ran interference for you."

"Yes, they-," Zelgadis stopped until he was able to clear away the sadness which suddenly clogged his throat. "They risked much, but once Rezo finally let me into the field, they were determined to keep me away from him, out of his direct influence, and were willing to do anything to achieve that. Largely due to their efforts, Rezo did not notice the first time his control slipped and I was able to outright disobey him. Once my mind was my own again, Rodimus and Zolf became even more vital a part of the effort to keep it that way and in maintaining the charade that I was still Rezo's."

"And, at the same time, you three were going after the Philosopher's Stone for yourselves so you could use it to kill Rezo."

"Yes, because though the Red Priest made me powerful, he was not foolish enough to make me so powerful that I could best him, not without the aid of a very strong amplifier at any rate, or so we hoped. But, then Lina came along and stole the stone before Zolf could, and the rest you know," Zelgadis said, giving Gourry's wound one last gentle swipe with his rag and then straightening. Cleansed, the wound looked even less nasty than it had before. Satisfied, he capped his water bottle and replaced it.

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